What I Wish for You, My Son
On the wall of my office were many sayings that I'd gathered over the years. I would like to share a few of those sayings. And, from what they and other sources teach, give a gift to you of what I would wish for you as you leave home and embark upon the path of life.
This first is a statement attributed to the philosopher, Goethe. Besides a testimony of Christ, which I will get to later, I think it touches upon one of the most foundational keys of a successful life. It goes like this:
I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. Goethe
Build upon the responsibility you have shown growing up. Most of all, take responsibility for how you feel and your emotions. I cannot stress what a difference this will make in your life or your ability to achieve. And so, my first wish for you would be that you always retain your internal locust of control. No matter what you face in the way of circumstance, I wish that you would never give up your responsibility for your thoughts and emotions, and actions. Life is not what happens to you, it is what you choose to do with what happens to you.
Oh remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God. Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever. Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
Alma 37:35-37
The second, and more important foundation stone is a testimony of Christ. If you really believe that you are a child of God, and that the church and the teachings of the Gospel have been given for you as a guide to eventually become like your Father in Heaven; if you know in your heart that Jesus Christ suffered, died and was resurrected to give you the tools to repent and return to God; if you can feel the spirit of Christ and the Holy Ghost providing guidance, strength, and a testament to the truth, then what else really matters? All other things in your life are secondary. Nothing is as important, I would say vital, to you. With this foundation in place, all else will follow suit and be for your good. Without this foundation, all else is ephemeral and fleeting. And so, above all else, I wish for you to gain a strong testimony, live by it, and build upon it your entire life.
Closely related is the next saying:
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Frank Whitt
And it’s companion:
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence [or mediocrity] is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle
The older you get, the harder it becomes to change. Habits have a deep affect on the quality of your life. In the end, how we spend our time when we aren’t required to do something else, what we think about when we aren’t focused on something, are big statements about who we are and what we feel is important. I wish you useful, positive habits.
The next wish is summed up well by a statement from Rudyard Kipling, it goes like this:
If
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools; If you can make a heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings, and never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—Your’s is the earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Kipling is talking about how important it is to stand up and stand out, to always retain your integrity and maintain your sense of positive self, taking both success and failure in stride. I wish for you that you will always maintain integrity with yourself. While we share our lives with many people, in the end there are only two upon which we can always rely, God and ourselves.
This next statement is on the lighter side, but illustrative of something very important:
All skill is for naught when an Angel takes a leak in the Touch Hole of your Musket.
Because we can't control all that happens around us; because our best laid plans may fall apart; because life will constantly surprise us, bow down once in awhile to what man calls luck and take things in stride, accepting them as they are. When all else fails, laugh or cry, then reload your gun and move on. And so, I wish for you, when you recognize things can’t or shouldn’t be changed, to accept what is, seek to appreciate what is, and move on.
I have studied many world religions and philosophies, and from each I have garnered words of wisdom and what I think are eternal ideals. From the Buddhists I gather the following:
The path to enlightenment is to accept both Joy and Suffering with the same Grace, Humility, and Love in your Heart, realizing that both are illusions and your Choice of Reaction is the only Reality.
I do not believe that life is just an illusion. I think the probationary period that we call mortality is very real. What I agree with is the fact that most of what happens to us is illusory in nature, meaning that it will pass and has a purpose beyond the seemingly obvious and momentary. In the end, whether it is suffering or pleasure, even moments of joy, they will pass. What is left to us is the choices we make and how we chose to react. What I wish for you is that you spend less time asking why things happen or who is to blame, and more time asking, how should I react, or what should I do now to make the best of it and learn and grow. In the end, this life is a test. Our experiences, whether suffering or joy, even boredom, are the questions on that test. Our answers, despite how they may be worded or formed, will always be one of two choices Yes, I choose to do what will bring me back to God, or No, I choose to give in to selfishness, despair, fear, or hate, which will take me away from my goal to be like God. I wish that you will always make the choice that will take you back to God.
I have just a few more wishes for you. The first has to do with how you treat others and allow yourself to be treated by others, so I share with you these rules.
The Ten Commandments of How to Get Along With People
1. Keep skid chains on your tongue. Say less than you think. Cultivate a soothing voice. How you say it often means more than what you say.
2. Make promises sparingly and keep them faithfully, no matter what the cost.
3. Never lose an opportunity to say a kind word to or about someone. Praise work well done, regardless of who did it.
4. Be interested in others, their pursuits, their homes and their families. Let everyone you meet, however humble, feel you regard him/her as important.
5. Be cheerful. Keep the corners of your mouth turned up. Hide your worries and disappointments under a smile. When it is necessary to talk to someone about your problems, try to stay optimistic and always look for the light at the end of the tunnel.
6. Keep an open mind on all debatable questions. Discuss, but don’t argue. It is a mark of a superior mind to disagree and remain friendly.
7. Let your virtues speak for themselves and refuse to discuss the shortcomings of others. Discourage gossip by changing the subject.
8. Have respect for the feelings of others. Wit and humor at the expense of a friend is never worth it.
9. Pay no attention to destructive remarks and personal attacks on you. Live so that none will believe them. Remember, a common cause of back-biting is dissatisfaction with oneself.
10. Don’t be concerned about your “just due.” Do a good turn for the sake of being helpful.
She ends with this statement:
“Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort, of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words—but pouring them all right out—just as they are, chaff and grain together—certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them and keep what is worth keeping and, with the breath of kindness, throw the rest away.” Dinah Mulock
You can treat others the way you want to be treated, but perhaps that isn't what others want. You may treat them the way they want to be treated, but we don't always want what is best for ourselves. So my own interpretation of the Golden rule, which I will call the Diamond rule is: Treat others the way you think Christ would treat them. I wish for you that you would always view others through Christlike eyes and attitudes. Also, I wish that you would be the person that you want others to be with you. You shouldn't expect to find a princess, if you aren't a prince. I wish for you to be a prince.
There is a lot to say about standing up for yourself. There are times when a person should defend their family and stand up for your values. But always seek for resolution. Never attack individuals. Remember:
Requite Fire with Fire and the flames will engulf us all.
As you embark on a new life away from home and family, remember something about success. The longer I’ve worked and the more positions I’ve had, the more I’ve come to realize that I work to live, I don’t live to work. When your life comes to an end, nobody is going to ask how good you were in business or college. They will talk about real success:
Success:
To laugh often, and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. Ralph Waldo Emerson.
And in looking at your career, remember one other thing. If it doesn’t provide a needed service, and allow you to do so with integrity, it isn’t worthy of you:
The real winners in life get what they want by helping others get what they want.
I wish for you an abundance of real success.
My next wish for you may seem as a curse. But if you understand what I have said above, it will make sense. Six months into my mission service I was ready to give up. I asked the mission president for a transfer back to the states, based on the fact that I couldn't seem to learn the language, and therefore felt I was accomplishing nothing. He looked at me deep in the eyes and said, "Elder, you can't go around this mountain, you've got to go over it." He blessed me and prayed with me, but then left me to conquer the mountain alone, with God. I wish for you many opportunities to do what you do not think you can do, to endure what you do not feel you can endure, and achieve what you are inclined to say can't be done. For, with each effort, fully given and holding nothing back, even if it should sometimes fail, you will stretch, grow, and come away a better person. For truly, you do not fail by falling, or by not reaching a certain goal. Failure only comes when we give up before giving it our very best. Anything with our best effort is not failure, it is a learning experience. I know life will give you many learning experiences and it is up to you whether they become stumbling stones or building blocks. I wish for you many building blocks.
Let me share with you another saying, both humorous, and maybe profound:
Bloom where you are planted! Remember, the deeper the crap, the richer the fertilizer.
In Closing I offer this:
Comes the Dawn
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, And you begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held high and your eyes wide open, With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, So you plant your own garden, and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth. And you learn and learn…and you learn. With every goodbye you learn.
Veronica Shoffstall
I love you, my son, and feel confident that you will go places and make a success of your life. You will make some mistakes, but you can overcome them and improve in the process. It is all up to you now, and your reliance on the Lord, but I am also always behind you.
Love,
Dad
On the wall of my office were many sayings that I'd gathered over the years. I would like to share a few of those sayings. And, from what they and other sources teach, give a gift to you of what I would wish for you as you leave home and embark upon the path of life.
This first is a statement attributed to the philosopher, Goethe. Besides a testimony of Christ, which I will get to later, I think it touches upon one of the most foundational keys of a successful life. It goes like this:
I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. Goethe
Build upon the responsibility you have shown growing up. Most of all, take responsibility for how you feel and your emotions. I cannot stress what a difference this will make in your life or your ability to achieve. And so, my first wish for you would be that you always retain your internal locust of control. No matter what you face in the way of circumstance, I wish that you would never give up your responsibility for your thoughts and emotions, and actions. Life is not what happens to you, it is what you choose to do with what happens to you.
Oh remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God. Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever. Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
Alma 37:35-37
The second, and more important foundation stone is a testimony of Christ. If you really believe that you are a child of God, and that the church and the teachings of the Gospel have been given for you as a guide to eventually become like your Father in Heaven; if you know in your heart that Jesus Christ suffered, died and was resurrected to give you the tools to repent and return to God; if you can feel the spirit of Christ and the Holy Ghost providing guidance, strength, and a testament to the truth, then what else really matters? All other things in your life are secondary. Nothing is as important, I would say vital, to you. With this foundation in place, all else will follow suit and be for your good. Without this foundation, all else is ephemeral and fleeting. And so, above all else, I wish for you to gain a strong testimony, live by it, and build upon it your entire life.
Closely related is the next saying:
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Frank Whitt
And it’s companion:
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence [or mediocrity] is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle
The older you get, the harder it becomes to change. Habits have a deep affect on the quality of your life. In the end, how we spend our time when we aren’t required to do something else, what we think about when we aren’t focused on something, are big statements about who we are and what we feel is important. I wish you useful, positive habits.
The next wish is summed up well by a statement from Rudyard Kipling, it goes like this:
If
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools; If you can make a heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings, and never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—Your’s is the earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Kipling is talking about how important it is to stand up and stand out, to always retain your integrity and maintain your sense of positive self, taking both success and failure in stride. I wish for you that you will always maintain integrity with yourself. While we share our lives with many people, in the end there are only two upon which we can always rely, God and ourselves.
This next statement is on the lighter side, but illustrative of something very important:
All skill is for naught when an Angel takes a leak in the Touch Hole of your Musket.
Because we can't control all that happens around us; because our best laid plans may fall apart; because life will constantly surprise us, bow down once in awhile to what man calls luck and take things in stride, accepting them as they are. When all else fails, laugh or cry, then reload your gun and move on. And so, I wish for you, when you recognize things can’t or shouldn’t be changed, to accept what is, seek to appreciate what is, and move on.
I have studied many world religions and philosophies, and from each I have garnered words of wisdom and what I think are eternal ideals. From the Buddhists I gather the following:
The path to enlightenment is to accept both Joy and Suffering with the same Grace, Humility, and Love in your Heart, realizing that both are illusions and your Choice of Reaction is the only Reality.
I do not believe that life is just an illusion. I think the probationary period that we call mortality is very real. What I agree with is the fact that most of what happens to us is illusory in nature, meaning that it will pass and has a purpose beyond the seemingly obvious and momentary. In the end, whether it is suffering or pleasure, even moments of joy, they will pass. What is left to us is the choices we make and how we chose to react. What I wish for you is that you spend less time asking why things happen or who is to blame, and more time asking, how should I react, or what should I do now to make the best of it and learn and grow. In the end, this life is a test. Our experiences, whether suffering or joy, even boredom, are the questions on that test. Our answers, despite how they may be worded or formed, will always be one of two choices Yes, I choose to do what will bring me back to God, or No, I choose to give in to selfishness, despair, fear, or hate, which will take me away from my goal to be like God. I wish that you will always make the choice that will take you back to God.
I have just a few more wishes for you. The first has to do with how you treat others and allow yourself to be treated by others, so I share with you these rules.
The Ten Commandments of How to Get Along With People
1. Keep skid chains on your tongue. Say less than you think. Cultivate a soothing voice. How you say it often means more than what you say.
2. Make promises sparingly and keep them faithfully, no matter what the cost.
3. Never lose an opportunity to say a kind word to or about someone. Praise work well done, regardless of who did it.
4. Be interested in others, their pursuits, their homes and their families. Let everyone you meet, however humble, feel you regard him/her as important.
5. Be cheerful. Keep the corners of your mouth turned up. Hide your worries and disappointments under a smile. When it is necessary to talk to someone about your problems, try to stay optimistic and always look for the light at the end of the tunnel.
6. Keep an open mind on all debatable questions. Discuss, but don’t argue. It is a mark of a superior mind to disagree and remain friendly.
7. Let your virtues speak for themselves and refuse to discuss the shortcomings of others. Discourage gossip by changing the subject.
8. Have respect for the feelings of others. Wit and humor at the expense of a friend is never worth it.
9. Pay no attention to destructive remarks and personal attacks on you. Live so that none will believe them. Remember, a common cause of back-biting is dissatisfaction with oneself.
10. Don’t be concerned about your “just due.” Do a good turn for the sake of being helpful.
She ends with this statement:
“Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort, of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words—but pouring them all right out—just as they are, chaff and grain together—certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them and keep what is worth keeping and, with the breath of kindness, throw the rest away.” Dinah Mulock
You can treat others the way you want to be treated, but perhaps that isn't what others want. You may treat them the way they want to be treated, but we don't always want what is best for ourselves. So my own interpretation of the Golden rule, which I will call the Diamond rule is: Treat others the way you think Christ would treat them. I wish for you that you would always view others through Christlike eyes and attitudes. Also, I wish that you would be the person that you want others to be with you. You shouldn't expect to find a princess, if you aren't a prince. I wish for you to be a prince.
There is a lot to say about standing up for yourself. There are times when a person should defend their family and stand up for your values. But always seek for resolution. Never attack individuals. Remember:
Requite Fire with Fire and the flames will engulf us all.
As you embark on a new life away from home and family, remember something about success. The longer I’ve worked and the more positions I’ve had, the more I’ve come to realize that I work to live, I don’t live to work. When your life comes to an end, nobody is going to ask how good you were in business or college. They will talk about real success:
Success:
To laugh often, and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. Ralph Waldo Emerson.
And in looking at your career, remember one other thing. If it doesn’t provide a needed service, and allow you to do so with integrity, it isn’t worthy of you:
The real winners in life get what they want by helping others get what they want.
I wish for you an abundance of real success.
My next wish for you may seem as a curse. But if you understand what I have said above, it will make sense. Six months into my mission service I was ready to give up. I asked the mission president for a transfer back to the states, based on the fact that I couldn't seem to learn the language, and therefore felt I was accomplishing nothing. He looked at me deep in the eyes and said, "Elder, you can't go around this mountain, you've got to go over it." He blessed me and prayed with me, but then left me to conquer the mountain alone, with God. I wish for you many opportunities to do what you do not think you can do, to endure what you do not feel you can endure, and achieve what you are inclined to say can't be done. For, with each effort, fully given and holding nothing back, even if it should sometimes fail, you will stretch, grow, and come away a better person. For truly, you do not fail by falling, or by not reaching a certain goal. Failure only comes when we give up before giving it our very best. Anything with our best effort is not failure, it is a learning experience. I know life will give you many learning experiences and it is up to you whether they become stumbling stones or building blocks. I wish for you many building blocks.
Let me share with you another saying, both humorous, and maybe profound:
Bloom where you are planted! Remember, the deeper the crap, the richer the fertilizer.
In Closing I offer this:
Comes the Dawn
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, And you begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held high and your eyes wide open, With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, So you plant your own garden, and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth. And you learn and learn…and you learn. With every goodbye you learn.
Veronica Shoffstall
I love you, my son, and feel confident that you will go places and make a success of your life. You will make some mistakes, but you can overcome them and improve in the process. It is all up to you now, and your reliance on the Lord, but I am also always behind you.
Love,
Dad
1 comment:
Great quotes and words of wisdom! I think I might take some and put them up in our own house!
Thank you! Nathan and I love you lots!
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